Selective memory issues

When it comes to certain important things I'm terribly forgetful. For example where I last left either my wallet, keys and ipod charger (or all three). Those things are lost on a near daily basis and that can't be helped because according to Myers-Brigg, I am an "absent minded professor." This means that birthdays, pop trivia and word-for-word Monty Python dialogue find a fertile breeding ground in my mind. My time to shine comes whilst working the room in all those cocktail parties I frequent since there's something to say to everyone. (You'd be surprised how versatile Monty Python really is.) However it's safe to say, as many of you have had occasion to witness, my memory for all things stupid oftentimes fails me terribly when applied in day-to-day life.

Case in point: there is so much that I've forgotten about Sri Lanka since being here the last time, which was about 11 months ago.

1. It is hot.
Nothing is ever going to change that. An extreme heat warning in Toronto that causes minor panic in the city is considered average temperature here. Thank goodness I didn't have enough space in my bag to bring my boxing boots with me, because despite the heat you know my inner shoe whore would rear its ugly head and force me to wear them. I have therefore been living in a pair of Old Navy flip flops since my arrival and have acquired tan lines on my feet.

2. Physical activity is not possible unless done in a climate controlled environment.
Tagging onto the above gripe about the heat the only time It's not possible to sweat is when under a cold shower or seated in front of an a/c unit this obviously makes it very difficult to walk to the fridge let alone anywhere else. So when Aiya decided it would be appropriate to call and wake me up at 4:30 on Monday morning I convinced Thathi at about 6:50 that we should go for a walk since neither of us could go back to sleep. (Thanks Aiya!) Between dodging the dog shit, gagging at the smell of the open sewers and narrowly escaping death by motor vehicle the thought occurred to me that there was a possible chance I had misjudged the benefits of going for a walk. Came back to my grandparents' place and while peeling off my sweat drenched clothes I made a mental note to never repeat that folly again.

I start at the gym with my cousin next week.

3. Crash
I slept through Crash the first time and you better believe that I slept through it for a second time when I watched it with my cousins and a few randoms on Monday night at the theatre. What a terrible movie, the only good thing about watching it a second time is that I was able to take a fairly lengthy nap in all of the a/c goodness. It's always nice to wake up and not be acutely aware of how sweaty you are.

Not only was I once again enlightened to how pointless the Oscars really are but I also got a chance to reacquaint myself with some good old fashioned Sri Lankan bigotry. After the movie was finished we were all waiting around for our respective rides and shooting the shit. More like I just sat there awkwardly with my cousin and a bunch of randoms. During the course of a conversation my cousin mentioned that she was looking forward to watching Brokeback Mountain later on in the week, one of the randoms then interjected with the requisite homophobic remark and proceeded with some of the finest Sri Lankan gay-bashing I've ever heard.

The culmination of 18 years worth of western liberal-arts education was about to explode all over the random. I simply asked said him how he could possibly enjoy a piece of unoriginal shit (Crash) and fail to see the larger meaning hidden in Brokeback. It was then that he very proudly proclaimed he had never seen the movie, nor intended to. Again he thought that by punctuating his remarks with homophobia it would somehow make his idiotic point stronger. Alas, it did not.

I'm not saying that all Sri Lankan males are like this, but there is an alarmingly large amount that are. Perusing some Sri Lankan content on the internet is enough to disgust any sane individual. People in this country still use homophobic phrases to insult each other. Come on boys, grow up, calling someone a faggot as an insult, really?

That's so late 90s.